For the love of a dorkfish

I'm married to a dorkfish.
He's a good dorkfish, but a dorkfish none the less.
He will openly admit to being a dorkfish. I think in some twisted way he takes pride in it.
What qualifies him as a dorkfish? Let me count the ways.

1. He never washes anything. He WARSHES. I've asked him to show me the "r" in wash, and he agrees he can't, but that doesn't stop him from tossing one in whenever he says it.
2. He's the only man I know who claims to carry a "pocketbook". No, he's not "that" way... he actually carries what I'd call a truckers wallet with a chain to prevent losing the big heavy leather thing in some truck stop toilet... but to him it's a "pocketbook" and there's no way he'll call it anything else.
3. His feet can't be human. They're knobby and crooked and vein-y and well, quite frankly, just plain ugly! They also give off an odor that makes small children cry and grown men cringe. His toes are hairy, his nails yellow, and arches flat. They serve their purpose, but are about as appealing as a wet burlap bag.
4. He will replace a light switch without turning the power off. He claims the little zaps don't really hurt... just make him jump and curse a bit; and "it's quicker to just do it than to have to hunt down the right breaker for a 2 minute job".
5. He licks his lips before kissing me... so I have to wipe them or get slobbered on. After 25 yrs it's become automatic. He leans in, I wipe his dorkfish lips.
6. He devours anything sci-fi. Books, movies, theories of all types and truly understands all the terms and outlandish concepts. But give him a simple math problem and he's scrambling for his calculator and double checking his answer.
7. He jokes about his balding head, claims his hair roots have slid south to his ears... and makes fun of those who use products to encourage hair re-growth since that just means you have to spend more on cutting it back off.
8. He melts at the site of a newborn. Totally turns into a puddle of mush and gush.
9. He knows me, lives with me, and still loves me. Now how goofy is that?!?

Originally derived from a Bill Engvall CD, a dorkfish is a very strange looking fish whose upper jaw sticks out way farther than his lower jaw, that lives on corndogs in the ocean. Can be used to describe people who are a bit out of the mainstream school.